Supporting Dysregulated Children: 10 Self-Regulation Strategies For Children

10 ideas to try when helping children to regulate their emotions.

Introduction

When children become dysregulated, they often struggle to process suggestions or instructions. In these moments, providing a toolkit of strategies that can learn to access independently (with some support if needed) is crucial. The following techniques can help children regain control and calm themselves effectively (it is important to remember that co-regulation is the first step to self-regulation, so many of our children will an adult to be close and provide prompts and support).

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1. Starfish Breathing

Starfish breathing is a simple and effective way to help children focus on their breath and calm their nervous system.

Instructions:

- Have the child spread out one hand like a starfish.

- With the index finger of their other hand, trace around the fingers and thumb.

- As they trace up a finger, they should inhale deeply, and as they trace down, they should exhale slowly.

- Encourage them to visualise breathing in calmness and breathing out stress or worry.

- Repeat until they feel calmer and more focused.

Why it works: This technique combines deep breathing, which helps regulate the nervous system, with tactile input from tracing the hand, helping to anchor the child in the present moment.

2. Pushing Against a Wall

Pushing against a wall provides proprioceptive input, which can help ground children and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

Instructions:

- Have the child stand facing a wall with their hands flat against it.

- Encourage them to push as hard as they can against the wall for 5-10 seconds.

- As they push, suggest they imagine they are pushing away their worries or anger.

- Release the push and take a deep breath.

- Repeat this process several times to help them release built-up tension.

Why it works: The deep muscle work involved in pushing against a solid surface gives the child sensory feedback that can be very organising, helping them feel more centred and in control.

3. Rhythmic Movements

Rhythmic movements, such as rocking, swaying, or bouncing, can have a calming effect on the nervous system and help children feel more secure.

Instructions:

- Identify a rhythmic movement the child finds soothing (e.g., rocking back and forth, swaying side to side, or gently bouncing).

- Encourage the child to engage in this movement for a few minutes, focusing on the rhythm and the way it feels in their body.

- You can accompany this with a calming activity, like listening to soft music or holding a comforting object.

- Suggest visualising the movement as waves in the ocean, moving steadily and predictably.

Why it works: Rhythmic, repetitive movements are naturally soothing and can help reset the nervous system, particularly in children who are feeling overwhelmed.

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4. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) involves tensing and then slowly releasing each muscle group in the body, helping to relieve physical tension.

Instructions:

- Start with the child's feet. Ask them to curl their toes tightly and hold for 5 seconds, then release.

- Move up the body, asking the child to tense each muscle group (legs, stomach, arms, shoulders) and then relax.

- Finish with the face: ask the child to scrunch up their face tightly and then slowly relax.

- As they release each muscle, encourage them to take a deep breath and exhale fully.

Why it works: PMR can help children become more aware of where they hold tension in their bodies and give them a tool to release it, leading to a calmer state.

5. Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques are designed to help children focus on the present moment, reducing the power of overwhelming emotions.

Instructions:

- Ask the child to name five things they can see, four things they can feel, three things they can hear, two things they can smell, and one thing they can taste.

- Alternatively, you can guide the child to focus on the sensations of their feet on the floor or their back against a chair.

- Encourage them to take slow, deep breaths as they do this, bringing their attention to the here and now.

Why it works: Grounding techniques shift the focus away from distressing thoughts or emotions and onto the child's immediate surroundings, helping to break the cycle of dysregulation.

6. Visualisation

Visualisation helps children use their imagination to create a safe space or calming scenario in their mind, reducing stress and anxiety.

Instructions:

- Ask the child to close their eyes and imagine a place where they feel safe and happy. This could be a real place or an imagined one.

- Guide them through the process, asking them to notice the colours, sounds, smells, and sensations in this place.

- Encourage them to stay in this imagined place for a few minutes, taking deep breaths and relaxing.

Why it works: Visualisation can help children escape the immediate stressors of their environment and find a mental space where they feel in control and secure.

7. Have a drink or snack

Instructions: 

• Offer the child a choice of a couple of snacks you know they like, either show them the options or use two pictures or a choice board. 

• Find a quiet part of the room and stay close as they have their chosen drink or snack. 

Why it works: Chewy or crunchy snacks or drinking a drink (particularly through a straw) provides oral stimulation which some people find calming. Having a drink or food can also meet physical needs which young children might not identify without adult support. 

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8. Run and jump

(This might be too stimulating for some children, but for others big movements might help them to calm.)

Instructions: 

• Take the child to a big space. 

• Suggest they run or jump, or start doing this yourself and see if they copy. 

• As you notice them becoming calmer, suggest stopping and sitting for a while. 

Why it works: Movement provides proprioceptive and vestibular stimulation as well as releasing endorphins which can help us feel good. When children are dysregulated big movements can provide sensory input that helps them to regulate. 

9. Go outside

Instructions: 

• Go outside, ideally to part of your setting that has grass or plants. 

• Find a space to stand or sit together (if appropriate you could do some starfish breathing or listen for things you can hear. 

Why it works: Spending time in green spaces (and even simply seeing greenery outside your window) supports wellbeing. Moving from one place to another can be calming and outdoor spaces can feel quieter than a busy room. 

10. Watch a calming toy

Instructions: 

- Have a selection of toys in a box or basket, including oil and water toys, bubble tubes and gentle lights. 

- Encourage the child to pick one and watch it (you could take one out and hold it where you know they can see it). 

Why it works: These toys provide visual stimulation and can distract children from something that they have found frustrating or upsetting both of which might help them to calm. You can, if necessary, talk to them about the cause of their frustration when they are regulated.

Conclusion

These strategies provide a valuable toolkit for helping children manage dysregulation. By practising these techniques regularly, children can become more familiar with them, making it easier for them to access these tools during times of distress. It's important to remember that each child is unique, and what works well for one child might not work as well for another. Consistency, patience, and positive reinforcement are key to helping children develop these self-regulation skills. It can also be useful to have visual prompts linked to all of the strategies suggested so that children can choose what they want to do when they begin to feel dysregulated. Until they become confident in making that choice, the adult can suggest or choose for them.