Top Eleven books to support children to understand relationships and regulate their emotions and behaviour.
Top Eleven books to support children to understand relationships and regulate their emotions and behaviour.
I couldn't decide on just ten!
As you move from a behaviour management policy towards an approach based on relationships and regulation, you might want to refresh the books you use to support children’s social and emotional development.
Now, you will be focusing on supporting children to recognise and regulate their emotional and physical states and build supportive relationships. Stories can be a fantastic way to help children think about and understand their feelings and friendships.
We’ve put together a list of books which will support this teaching. We've included a few suggestions for questions and prompts to get you started as you plan how to use these with your children.
The best bad day ever by Marianna Coppo
Wolfie wakes up knowing it’s going to be a bad day and nothing feels quite right. But, at school finding a friend helps the day become the ‘best bad day ever.’
I think we can all relate to Wolfie’s experiences, sometimes it just seems like one of those days and as we look around it feels like everything is just not quite right. As you read the story you can look together at the illustrations and see if you see what Wolfie sees, or maybe feeling sad, tired or grumpy makes everything feel wrong.
This story can also help children (and us) see that having our feelings acknowledged (in this story by penguin who is also having a bad day) can sometimes help us feel better. It’s important to make sure as you share the story with your children that you remind them all feelings are ok.
Questions/ prompts
How is Wolfie feeling? How can you tell?
Have you felt like that? How does that feel in your body?
Is everyone else feeling happy? What can we see that shows us that?
How is Wolfie feeling now? How can you tell?
What has helped him feel like that?
What helps you feel better when you feel sad/grumpy/angry? (Give examples that help you if children are not sure and maybe refer to your visual prompts in your regulation area)
The Best Bad Day Ever a book by Marianna Coppo. (bookshop.org)
Barbara throws a wobbler by Nadia Shireen
This is another book that children can relate to, it’s a story that can be great for starting a conversation about the things that make us feel sad or grumpy. As the day gets worse and worse, there is just one thing that makes it all too much. Barbara gets stuck in ‘the wobbler’, she wants to get out, but the wobbler tells her that she is in control. Her friends are there to help her when she feels ready.
While in this story Barbara is in control, it’s important as you share the story to remind children that sometimes we need other people to help us when we’re feeling upset or angry and that’s ok. You could chat about how other people can help and look at your regulation activity visual prompts and ask the children which ones they would use.
Questions and prompts
What do you think is wrong with Barbara’s socks?
I don’t like it when my jumper feels itchy - is there anything you don’t like when you’re getting dressed?
I wonder if Barbara can stop or does she need some help?
What do you think might help?
How could Barbara tell them?
How do you think that feels in her body?
What could her friends say?
Barbara Throws a Wobbler a book by Nadia Shireen. (bookshop.org)
Too much. An Overwhelming Day by Jolene Guiterrez
This book is a perfect way to help children think about how sensory experiences might impact how they (and their friends feel).
The book shares the build up of sensory experiences through the day, until the moment it all becomes too much. A gentle hug and quiet space help to reduce the overwhelm and then the main character shares the things they need to help them through the day.
The author has used her own experiences of sensory processing differences to write a book that captures the feeling of overwhelm and strategies for regulation. It includes notes for caregivers and educators, so is a brilliant book to share with your team and families too. It could even be the starting point for reflection and evaluation of your environment as you think about how you ensure all children are included and supported to regulate.
Questions and prompts
Let’s be quiet for a moment, what can we see and hear in our classroom?
We know lots of people like hugs, but what happened in the playground - did they want a hug then?
Do you need any of those things?
Where can we go when we need to be quiet?
Too Much!: An Overwhelming Day a book by Jolene Gutierrez and Angel Chang. (bookshop.org)
Don’t hug Doug (He doesn’t like it). A story about consent. By Carrie Finison (author) and Daniel Wiseman (illustrator)
This book works well with Too much! An Overwhelming day, it reminds us that not everyone wants a hug.
It’s important for children to understand that everyone has different ways of showing they want to be friends. This story is the perfect way to start the conversation, the illustrations give you lots to talk about, and the children might find a chat about if you’d want to hug a porcupine! The book reminds everyone that the only way you know if you can give someone a hug is to ASK. And although Doug doesn’t like hugs, he does like you and high fives - so no hugs but he’s a master of high fives!
Questions and prompts
Would you want to hug a …..?
What do you think she feels about the slug? (point to the picture of the child with a slug on her face!)
What do you think Doug’s friends could do if they want to say hello? (ask before the high-five section of the story)
What could you do if you want to hug someone? (ask before the ASK part of the story)
Oh No, George! By Chris Haughton
This is a gorgeous book, George really wants to behave as Harris (his owner) wants him to but with a chocolate cake to eat and a cat to chase it really is just too hard. When Harris gets back George feels sorry as he realises that Harris now has lots to clean up. He doesn’t just say sorry, but thinks about how he can help Harris feel better and George offers to give him his favourite toy. When they go out for a walk together, we see that George has learnt to stop himself doing the things he could not resist when he was left at home. But, right at the end, we see just how hard this can be!
This is a brilliant story for starting conversations about when we do the wrong thing, and how we repair. You could chat about what other people can do to help, maybe it was easier to be good when Harris was with George to remind him and help him to resist doing the things he knew he shouldn’t (even though he really loves cake, playing with cat and digging!)
Questions and prompts
What do you think Harris means when he says, “be good”?
Do you think cat wants to play? How can you tell? You could talk about how it’s ok that sometimes children don’t want to play, other times they might.
How do you think Harris feels when he gets home?
How do you think George is feeling now Harris is back?
George doesn’t just say sorry he gives Harris his favourite toy - what could you do to help someone feel better (you could chat about some specific things that might happen in your classroom and how children and adults can repair).
When they go for a walk, how can we tell George has learnt from what he did wrong?
Oh No, George! a book by Chris Haughton. (bookshop.org)
Ravi’s Roar by Tom Percival
Ravi’s Roar is one of the Big Bright Feelings series of books, which includes Perfectly Norman, Ruby’s Worry, Meisha Makes Friends, Tilda Tries Again and Milo’s Monster - all these books would be great additions to your collection!
This book tells us about Ravi, he is the smallest in his family - most of the time that’s great but sometimes it isn’t. One day Ravi’s frustration builds as he gets the squashed seat, then can’t reach the monkey bars and can’t find everyone when they play hide and seek. When he is last to get an ice-cream that’s the last straw and Ravi’s anger grows until he becomes a tiger and roars and growls and does what he wants.
At first being a tiger is great, but gradually he starts to feel sad as no one wants to play with the tiger.
This book can start a conversation about how emotions can be a bit mixed, underneath our anger there is often a feeling of frustration or sadness that things feel unfair. And at the end of the book, you could talk about feeling angry and when this can help us to stand up for ourselves and others.
Questions and prompts
How do you think Ravi feels when he’s last?
What could the others do to help him feel better?
Do you think his brothers and sisters have noticed that is unfair?
How could they make sure Ravi can play too?
What do we do to make sure everyone can play? Have you ever felt left out?
We know it’s ok to feel angry but we don’t want to make other people feel scared or sad - what could you do when you’re angry? How can we help each other when we’re feeling angry?
Ravi's Roar: A Big Bright Feelings Book a book by Tom Percival. (bookshop.org)
When Sadness Comes To Call by Eva Elland
This story explains that sometimes sitting with our feelings can help us when emotions are difficult. We can spend time with sadness and think about what it means, if we don’t understand our sadness we can let it stay and do things that we enjoy. In the story, sadness comes but after being together it goes again, and we’re reminded that tomorrow is a new day.
This gentle story can support conversations with children about all emotions (even those that might feel hard) being ok. We don’t have to ignore sadness or pretend it has gone when it hasn’t, we can explore what it means and do things we enjoy, and it will leave us.
Questions and prompts
I feel sad when … what makes you feel sad?
Do we always know why we feel sad?
What do you do when you’re sad?
How can other people help you?
What do you feel like when you see other people are sad?
What do you enjoy doing?
When Sadness Comes to Call a book by Eva Eland. (bookshop.org)
People Need People by Benjamin Zephaniah (author) and Nila Aye (illustrator)
This book of a Benjamin Zephaniah poem is gorgeous to share. The rhythmic text and beautiful, detailed illustrations will prompt a different conversation every time. This is a wonderful starting point for talking about how you get along as a class, school or setting community. It reminds us that we need each other and we can talk about how we help and support each other.
You could use this story as a starting point for learning about each other - what is everyone good at, how can different people in our class help, what do we like..and so on.
Questions and prompts
Can you see who is helping someone in the picture?
What do you like doing with other people?
How do you help other people?
What can we do to help people in our class/school/setting?
Who can we ask for help? (You could talk about people in your school and what they can do to help)
After the fall. How Humpty Dumpty got back up again. By Dan Santat (author)
I would share this book with slightly older children, perhaps those in reception or year one, as the conversations it starts are a little more nuanced.
Humpty Dumpty loved sitting on top of the wall, until the day he fell! After being put back together, Humpty found he could not enjoy some of his favourite things anymore because he was scared. He watched the birds from the ground, but that just wasn’t the same. One day he sees a paper plane flying through the sky and that gives him an idea. Humpty makes a paper bird, at least the bird will be able to fly and not feel afraid. But, to let the bird go Humpty needs to climb again, it is hard but he takes one step at a time and slowly overcomes his fear.
This book will start conversations about feeling afraid, risks and resilience and persistence. You can talk with the children about the importance of noticing our fear, it can help us to keep ourselves safe, and think about how to do the things we want to do without hurting ourselves or other people. You can chat about the things that make us afraid and how those around us help us to be brave when we need to.
Questions and prompts
Humpty says that there are things that couldn’t be fixed with bandages and glue - do you know what that could be?
Have you stopped doing something because you felt scared?
When we’re climbing, how does feeling scared help us be safe? Or describe how you think about doing something risky and how being scared helps you to stay safe.
How does feeling scared/afraid feel in your body?
What can other people do to help when you’re afraid? Make suggestions if that helps to start the conversation.
After the Fall: How Humpty Dumpty got back up again a book by Dan Santat. (bookshop.org)
The Squirrels Who Squabbled by Rachel Bright (author) and Jim Field (illustrator)
When two squirrels are both chasing the last nuts of the season an argument starts. Each squirrel is so focused on how they can get the nuts neither notices a bird swooping in to take it! As they fall over the edge of a waterfall the bickering squirrels realise that they must help each other. The duo discover they can share and the very best thing to share is a laugh with your friend.
This lovely rhyming story will lead to conversations about arguments, friendship and sharing.
Questions and prompts
How do you think Cyril feels when he sees his cupboard is empty?
Does Bruce need another pine cone? I wonder why he wants to catch it - what do you think?
Do you think Bruce could help Cyril next year? How could he help him to think about being ready for winter?
How do we all help each other in our class so everyone has enough? Chat about taking turns and sharing, having ways to help us remember what we need to do.
Chat about things you have done/can do together in your group or class to help everyone have what they need.
The Squirrels Who Squabbled a book by Rachel Bright and Jim Field. (bookshop.org)
The perfect fit by Naomi Jones (author) and James Jones (illustrator)
At first you might look at this book and think it’s about shapes, but when you read it you see that it’s also about celebrating differences.
Triangle thinks that to fit in she needs to be the same as her friends. While she loves playing with the circles, squares and hexagons, she feels like she is getting in their way because she’s a different shape. When she finds the other triangles she thinks she has found her perfect playmates - but, she soon realises that differences can make playing together even more fun.
Questions and prompts
Do the circles/squares/hexagons want triangle to go away?
How do you think triangle feels?
What can you do if you want to play a different game to the others?
How can we listen to other people’s ideas when we play together? This might be easier to explain using some examples from the story and the play you’ve observed.
The Perfect Fit a book by Naomi Jones and James Jones. (bookshop.org)
Do you have any suggestions to add to my Top 11? If you do - stick them in the comments!
Great list of suggestions. Thank you.